cirque du filet 

cirque du filet

the mc script from our submission to last year's grange talent show. some of the puns are stolen. probably most. nothing new under the sun....

WELCOME SOLE BROTHERS AND SOLE SISTERS
AND ALL YOU BUBBLY URCHINS AND LITTLE SNAPPERS--

WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S EXCLUSIVE PERFORMANCE BY THOSE ARTISTS OF THE OCEAN, THOSE WATERY WEAVERS OF WONDER, THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE FINTASTIC

CIRQUE DU FILET!

Oh-- I see we have some groupers herring the audience tonight-- you folks are packed in like sardines--

But even if you are new to us, you are sure to love tonight's scaled down version of our fishtastic performance featuring freshwater and saltwater friends from near and far-- everyone a star fish-- These creatures are amazing. And they don't do it for the money, folks-- not even for the adoration. They just do it for the halibut.

I'm Buffy the Puffer, your Ringfistress of Anemonies, standing in for Dolly Varden, who's guesthosting on the Whale of Fortune.

It's been a long haul down the pike to get here. The Octobus broke down so we had to squeeze in the Barracuda. I took the bus in to the Shell Station and the guy tells me I blew a seal. I told him to fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it. But this shrimp, he didn't know when to shut up. He started in on the mermaid, made some remarks about her tail and I just blew up. I landed him with a left hook and he eeled over. By the time I was finished with him he could've used a sturgeon.

Speaking of which, we bring our own topnotch sturgeon to every show, every since the swordfish got tanked that one night-- he's going to help me out with the set changes and the tunas-- he's a fun guy, a bit of a clown fish, and when I met him, I knew "That's a Moray". Let's give a watery welcome to SAM THE STURGEON!

(It Haddock be You)

Sam, I understand Mary Mackeral's still a little shook up by her run in with that cod at the Shell Station. Feeling a little crabby. Maybe you could help her get started on her act.
Ladies and Gentlemen, she's a bit of a stiff, but once you get to know her, you'll see she's a reel swinger-- it's Mary Mackerel the Mermaid, on her Flying Trapeze!

Our next act features a couple of bottom feeders I discovered on Squid row. They were down and out, under a lot of pressure, spending most their time getting tanked. And they smelt. But salmon told me they had talent, so I dropped them a line, told them about the show. They bit. We're glad they did. Let's give a warm welcome to the lovely Angelina Angelfish and her fiercesome GREAT WHITE SHARK!!!

----------------------
Our next lovely lady really knows how to reel em in. She's exotic, a little bull-headed, she's deep. She does things you can't even fathom. And she's here all the way from the Atlantic Coast--a real game fish-- it's GIPPY THE CATFISH CONTORTIONIST!

Our next act is sponsored by the Summit Grange Subcommittee on Weight Loads. This final act requires absolute concentration on the part of the performer, so I ask that the audience clam up until it's over. Don't carp, it'll be worth it. Drum roll, please, to welcome

THE MUSSEL MAN!


Well, urchins and groupers, that's our show. It's been reel fun but it's time I clammed up. Join us later at the CAST party or at the next performance of

CIRQUE DU FILET!!!

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